173rd Edition
How to help your kids (or grandkids) build character
Ben Sasse, a former Senator from Nebraska and the current President of the University of Florida, wrote an insightful essay recently in the Wall Street Journal – “Habits for Humanity in the Age of AI.” His first two sentences set the tone –
“America’s experiment in self-government has always depended on wisdom and self-control. These aren’t virtues that politicians or bureaucrats could ever impart.”
Then he states, “…Virtues for a life well-lived, are taught, modeled, and practiced in the daily life of society’s smallest but most important platoons – chief among them the family.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Mr. Sasse isn’t alone in his conclusion and warning, that AI is going to be disruptive, potentially in profound ways. On the positive side, it seems inevitable that AI will increase productivity and economic growth across multiple industries. New job opportunities will also be created that didn’t exist prior to AI. On the negative side, there is certainly the potential for massive job losses in an AI-driven productivity wave.
What remains uncertain is AI’s impact on several of our social woes, two of which Mr. Sasse cites in his essay; loneliness and distrust of institutions as well as each other. Will AI make these maladies better or worse? When the Internet burst on the scene in the early 1990s and everyone raced to get “on-line,” the Internet was touted as the great connector. Perhaps in the early days it was, but more recently we have learned that too much technology use becomes the great isolator. As Sasse so astutely states, “… the hardest things to automate are the things that depend on relationships.”
First and foremost, the key to building character in kids or grandkids is first and foremost, to teach them to build trustworthy relationships with people of strong character. What does that look like in today’s fast-paced, ever-growing reliance on technology and automation? Let’s lean into that a bit.
One of the most impactful experiences for a young person to learn how to build relationships is their first job. In many cases this first opportunity of responsibility involves interacting with customers. Waiters and waitresses, cashiers, and other service-oriented jobs are typical first-job opportunities in our economy today. Give some thought as to your recent experience with these young inexperienced workers. Do you see character building happening? Recently I visited a local grocery store. I approached a young woman near the checkout aisle, and she turned and said, “What’s up?” Not quite the right response, is it? I would have preferred, “Hello, may I help you?” One of the keys to every positive, enduring relationship is a service-before-self mindset. There may be no better way to learn that mindset than by being trained to greet people properly, make eye contact, and offer a firm handshake when appropriate.
A month ago, FootJoy, the self-proclaimed Most Trusted Name in Golf, set up a tent at a local country club, under which it was selling its top-end golf shoes. As a long-time FootJoy golf shoe customer, I approached the tent with no small amount of excitement. What golf addict couldn’t use another pair of FootJoy shoes? As I looked over the array of shoes, opening several boxes, I kept my eye on the FootJoy representative, a young man sitting in a chair at the end of the display, with his head down staring at his laptop. I waited several minutes during which he never made eye contact nor said a word to me. I walked past the display, filled a Styrofoam cup with ice and water, then returned to the shoe display. Same response. I sent a letter to the company but never received a response. This type of experience isn’t atypical today.
An even deeper level of character building would involve learning to show up for work on time, to under-promise and over-deliver in terms of the expectations of co-workers, managers, and customers. Learning to be reliable, dependable, and above all, trustworthy should be emphasized in all training procedures. In a society in which distrust is at an epidemic level, perhaps we need a reboot in terms of character building in our younger generations?
Once these basic interpersonal skills are learned, the next character-building phase might include developing listening skills, leadership, and the keys to team success. Listening intently, especially when interacting with clients or customers, is an essential skill that must be learned because it isn’t a natural skill. Moreover, listening well, being disciplined and patient, and striving to understand before being understood, can serve as the foundation post for meaningful relationships. Building upon these basic skills is also an excellent way to develop a servant-leadership culture, which is prominent across many successful businesses. In addition, accepting roles and putting team success before personal goals can also pave the way for career advancement in virtually any field. All of these skills, which are building blocks to molding a strong character, should be an integral part of entry-level employee training. Importantly, character building occurs over time, must be modeled and forged under stressful situations. It isn’t learned by reading an on-line policy and procedure manual.
The person who can harness AI and also display effective interpersonal skills is going to be hugely successful over the next few decades. The former might be the easy part, strange as that may seem. The latter requires mentoring, consistency, and self-discipline. There is no shortcut to building character or relationships based on mutual trust.
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Michael Kayes
*These views are my personal opinions and are not the viewpoints of any company or organization.