89th Edition
There are multiple life lessons that can be learned through a properly focused athletic program. Here are a few real-life experiences.
Lesson 1 – Relish Unfairness…
Minutes before the start of the basketball game a mom approached me. I could see in her body language she was concerned about something.
“These teams are totally unfair, what are we going to do?” I glanced at the two teams warming up. My team had 7 players, all shorter than the shortest player on the other team, which had 10 players. It was hard to argue with her assessment. But I had a different perspective…
“We are missing our three tallest players, I think one is sick and the other two are out of town,” I explained.
“But this isn’t fair at all,” she repeated.
“I agree and what a great opportunity for our team to rise to the challenge, to play hard as a team and do their best in a difficult situation. I will make sure that we concentrate on our effort and attitude and not the scoreboard,” I said. “And besides, the sooner these kids learn that life is very often unfair, and that they have to learn to deal with it, the better off they will be. Don’t you agree?” I said.
“Well, I guess so,” she said, not totally buying into what I was saying.
I’ve had this conversation many times over my three-decade coaching career. Parents inherently want every situation to be fair. While unfairness, actual or perceived will provoke outrage in just about every parent, if their child’s team has an obvious advantage few will complain. In terms of character development we have this all wrong. Character is forged under fire, not by making these easy. Parents who want their children to grow up to become the best they are capable of becoming should welcome challenging situations, even unfair competition, but few are willing even to tolerate it. This can only be changed if we begin to reward effort and attitude more than we reward the outcome or final score.
Lesson 2 – Mix It Up…
As the buzzer sounded at halftime, Coach Wayne and I looked at each other. I could tell he was thinking the same thing as I was. The matchups weren’t right. We needed to swap a few players. So, right in the middle of the game that’s what we did. The second half was a battle. The lead seesawed back and forth until Wayne’s best player made two clutch baskets to help his team win by one bucket. Wayne and I knew what was coming as the teams congratulated each other. The kids joked and hugged and knew they played a great game. There was no visible difference in the kids who lost the game compared to the kids who won the game. Not so the parents.
“Which team is my son on?” the first dad asked incredulously.
“Most of the time he will be on my team,” I said.
“Why did you swap players in the middle of the game?”
“To make the matchups more challenging,” I said.
“But what team is he on?” he asked again. I could tell that our conversation wasn’t going to solve anything.
“My team,” I said again. “But we will move kids around to create different matchups and situations. Some of the kids will play multiple games depending on how many kids show up. We approach things more like a camp than a league,” I said.
“Ok, just so I know what team he is on,” the dad said as he turned and left the gym.
Kids just want to play. They are naturally resilient, adaptable, and resourceful. At least most of them are, and those that aren’t learn rather quickly. Parents, conversely, prefer structure and routine. Unfortunately, learning happens more readily in situations that are unstructured and spontaneous.
During some games, Wayne and I would put all the guards on one team and all the post players on another. The kids loved it. The posts got to handle the ball for the first time and show off their ball skills. The guards learned how to box out and how being quick, but not in a hurry could overcome a height disadvantage.
Some games we disallowed dribbling. Kids didn’t exactly love that format, but they learned to pass and cut and move without the ball.
There are all kinds of situations you can put players in that forces them to improvise and think about how to overcome challenges. By changing the situation kids started to focus on overcoming whatever we threw at them and less on the scoreboard, which is a rather shallow measure of athletic performance or skill advancement, let alone character development. The score certainly matters, but so many other things matter more.
Like what for instance? Here are a few –
Attitude –
It is something we always control, not matter what situation we are in
Effort –
Another thing we control. How hard we try is always up to us.
Sportsmanship –
There is never an excuse for poor sportsmanship, but it exists in almost every youth sports contest being played today. This needs to change. And it starts with the coaches and the philosophy of the league.
Teamwork –
Playing as a team no matter the situation takes courage, mental toughness, and great coaching.
Lesson 3 – Go For Greatness!
Kids need to be encouraged to dream big. Many don’t have a clue what this means. Some have absolutely no concept of what is possible in their life. I’ve never understood this. When I meet the parents of kids without big audacious dreams, I usually discover parents who are skeptical, pessimistic, and comparative. They are short-sighted, and struggle to envision what is possible while they readily dwell on limitations. They are quick to blame others and hypersensitive to unfairness. In these situations, it is a coach’s job to plant different seeds.
But doesn’t dreaming increase the likelihood of future disappointment? Very few kids are talented enough to achieve greatness at anything, right? Of course that is true. Not every kid can be the next Roger Federer, or the next Caitlin Clark. (Insert your favorite player in virtually any sport). Again we are approaching this all wrong. We are focusing too much on the outcome. Whether our kids make it to the NBA, or the NFL is not the point of youth sports. It’s great when it happens, but what about the other 99.9% of kids who participate in youth sports? The question we need to ask is this – How has their life changed as a result of their youth sports experience?
There are some parents who steer their kids into sports based on their race, size, or some preconceived notion of their potential to play that sport in college. Understandably so given the exorbitant cost of higher education today. The primary factor is deciding which sport a kids should play should be made by the kid. Let him or her play whatever sport they like the best. Then make sure that the coach of that sport focuses on character development first and foremost.
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Michael Kayes
*These views are my personal opinions and are not the viewpoints of any company or organization.