90th Edition
Lesson 4 – Act like you’ve been there before
Nick made the winning shot and his dad raced on the court and picked him up. I felt that was totally inappropriate. Why? In most athletic competitions, at all levels, when a dramatic ending occurs the first instinct of players and fans on the winning side is to celebrate. Nothing inherently wrong with that, but the extent of the celebration matters. Especially at the scholastic level, tempering the celebration until your team gets into the locker room, and showing respect and compassion for the losing team is a great way to learn and reinforce these important character traits.
As a coach, I also do not want to give the opposing team additional motivation for the rematch. Celebrations should begin in the locker room, not on the court or field.
Lesson 5 – Talk isn’t just cheap, it’s downright dangerous
My conversation with the school president was typical. Virtually every school administrator I have ever talked to is adamant that their primary focus in athletics is character development. Really? Here’s a test to see if this is really the case, or whether it is true or not.
Question 1: What is the level of participation in athletics at your school?
If it is lower than 60%, then the school isn’t doing an acceptable job putting character development at the top of the priority list. Here’s a statement that I truly believe in, but that rankles school administrators – Kids are not learning character development as the doze off in English class. Competitive team sports are hands down the best laboratory for character development. Why? Because it is dynamic, emotional, full of accomplishments and disappointments, chances for recovery, perseverance, grit, and the like. And all these things can happen in one game! Imagine a season full of practices and games all focused on challenging kids and building character? The potential for growth is virtually unlimited! With this understanding it is unacceptable to have participation rates below 60%. The goal should be 75 – 80%. Participation includes the following: players, cheerleaders, pep band, managers, statisticians, scorekeepers, timers, spirit clubs, and fundraisers. Every student should be encouraged to participate in some way and can be part of the character development driven devotions and team meetings. On the uniform of the Ohio State band member is this – BDBITL. Stands for Best Dam Band In the Land. That’s an example of character development.
Question 2: How do coaches behave during games?
In most cases you will see coaches complaining and yelling at the officials. It is just accepted behavior in sports today at all levels. It is NOT conducive to character development. Instead it shows a lack of respect, self-control and teaches kids to blame others when things don’t go their way. It is entirely outcome focused, too, which as I have stated several times, is the wrong focus for youth sports.
Question 3: How and at what level are sports integrated into the overall education experience?
In most cases this isn’t even discussed, beyond making sure that athletes have a minimum grade point average to be eligible. This is setting the bar way too low. How can you expect an athlete to give his best effort in practice if he is dogging it in the classroom? What message is this sending? That sports count more than classroom performance? Really bad message. The goal is to motivate kids to give their best effort in the classroom as well as the ball field. It’s not rocket science, but it isn’t being stressed in most situations. Again, as long as the athlete isn’t failing too many classes, he gets to play. What is that teaching him?
Lesson 6 – It’s better to be too hard on the kids than too easy on them
There is a saying that nobody ever thanked a coach for being easy on them. I think that is very true. The implication is that people routinely thank a coach for being hard on them. I think that is also very true. Why? This is the whole point of this book. Building character isn’t easy, it requires a certain degree of tough love and discipline. If you are going into coaching to be popular perhaps you should rethink it.
It was the first day of 6th grade basketball tryouts and I was the coach. We had about 20 kids show up. About 15 could play. One of the biggest and most aggressive kids had long stringy hair around often covering his eyes, requiring him to constantly push it aside. He definitely was one of the most athletic kids, but every time he got the ball he shot it, no matter where he was on the court. He rarely passed the ball during the 90-minute tryout. What was I going to do?
“Nick, you are going to have to get your hair cut if you want to continue to try out for the team,” I said after practice. A look of astonishment came over his face.
“See you tomorrow,” I said. The next day Nick showed up and hadn’t gotten a haircut.
“Nick, you will have to sit on the side today. We have one more tryout tomorrow, but you have to get your hair cut,” I said.
That evening his mom called me.
“Nick’s hair is important to him, it is part of his identity,” she said.
“Well, it is too long. It gets in his eyes, and it is dangerous to play with impaired vision,” I said.
“I just don’t think he should have to cut his hair,” she said.
“He doesn’t have to, he only has to if he wants to play basketball this season,” I said. “And just remember this, it will grow back.”
To fast forward a bit, Nick eventually cut his hair, and in high school he became an outstanding shooting guard, who could also play the point and distribute the ball. He went on to become a college assistant coach. He understood the pivotal life lesson – There is no I in TEAM. His mom eventually got it too and thanked me for caring so much about her son that I was willing to teach him an invaluable life lesson instead of letting him off easy.
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Michael Kayes
*These views are my personal opinions and are not the viewpoints of any company or organization.