For some reason, whenever I’m coaching a high school basketball game, the referees all seem to be my age or older. When that is the case, during warm-ups, with music inevitably blaring, I share this perspective with them – There is no doubt that athletes today are better than they were when I played decades ago, but the music in my day was so much better. Naturally, these old-time refs all agree. Even though I stand by this statement, (who wouldn’t with even an ounce of musical taste?) it isn’t really about the music. It’s about establishing a connection by finding common ground. Every experienced coach understands how important that is to do with the officials. There are many ways to accomplish this, but my way seems to work best for me.
Does common ground exist between every two individuals? Even two from completely different backgrounds? In my experience, the answer is unequivocally, yes. Between adults and kids, sports are a natural conduit to common ground. It happens almost immediately between a coach and athlete when both are participating for the love of the sport and not for selfish reasons. Volunteerism is another activity that facilitates common ground quite naturally. Probably the most effective way to find common ground is to take your dog for a walk. Dogs have an uncanny ability to connect people. Babies in strollers do the same thing (just not quite as well as a yellow lab).
Thankfully, Covid, the great separator, appears to be largely behind us. Social media, which started out as a connector, has proven to be just the opposite. Even though we are all on-line, too many of us feel disconnected. Disconnected from current trends, from old-school morals and values we learned back in the day, even from people with whom we would like to be connected.
My youngest son and I played some of my old records one night. LPs, the way music was played back in the day. Jim Croce resonated with my son, which made me smile. I explained to him (as he looked at his phone) that back in the day, people actually sat around, listened to records, and talked. No phones, Internet or TV. We felt more connected in those pre-historic days.
Can this happen in politics?… The No Labels political party is essentially searching for common ground. As it says on their website – “We must recommit to the fundamental beliefs that have historically united Americans and provided a common understanding of who we are and where we hope to go.” Certainly, a noble cause, but will it be successful? With the exception of Ross Perot in 1992, no third-party candidate has come remotely close to being elected president. Could 2024 be different? There are purportedly as many registered Independents as there are Democrats and Republicans combined. Maybe this means a third-party candidate has a legitimate chance. But the candidate ultimately selected by the No Labels party will have to make a lot of connections. They can’t just pontificate and hope people follow them. Meanwhile, unless major change occurs, it looks like 2024 will be a repeat election – Biden vs. Trump. I just don’t know what to say about that, so I’ll leave it alone for now.
I guess it’s natural, the older you get, to think about how good things were back in the day. Selective memory obviously helps, but I miss the moments spent listening to LPs and having quiet conversations with less distractions. I also realize you can’t turn the clock back. We have to move forward, and we are called to make things better. But we don’t always do that, do we?
The other day, a friend wanted my perspective on a potential job opportunity. He wanted to know the most important question to ask the CEO. I told him to ask what his leadership style was. Why you do things and how you do things is so much more important than what you actually accomplish. The how and the why will determine the depth of the connections you make. As I explained to my friend, why and how a person leads will determine the connections that drive culture, and culture is everything. I told my friend that if the CEO can’t articulate his leadership style, then tell him I said, “back in the day…”