84th Edition
The second in in my six-part series – “Six things we can do to make America better.”
There is a connectedness across humanity that is undeniable even when we refuse to acknowledge that it exists. This connection exists between people who have never even met. It exists between people who live in different countries, talk different languages, and believe in different gods. It is an enduring connection, even when we intentionally sever it. You remain connected to that person you despise, that person who has moved away, that person who has moved on.
Accordingly, every person should wake up each day and acknowledge that how they live their life, the decisions they make, the things they choose to do and not to do impact other people in some way. In the long run, whether that impact is direct or indirect doesn’t really matter.
With this in mind, we should live each day with a “TIES” mindset. Find someone to Thank, Inspire, Encourage, and Serve. Doing each of these strengthens our connections, builds a sense of community, and establishes important support systems. Failing to do these weakens our connections and is like a cancer to a community.
Worse over, doing the opposite actually separates us from others, essentially destroying community. To take without being thankful breeds resentment and animosity. To embarrass or humiliate creates loneliness and despair. Discouragement leads to low self-esteem, and philosophical retrenchment. To expect to be served instead of looking for ways to serve is a path toward entitlement, arrogance, and insensitivity.
It’s not really that difficult to develop and live out a “TIES” mindset. How hard is it really to thank someone? In a typical day where might we find an opportunity to thank someone? How about a teacher, spouse, waitress, check-out person, parent, sibling, coach, doctor, nurse, health care provider, delivery man, mailman, hairdresser, friend, neighbor, child, police officer, firefighter, mentor, grandparent, Jesus, and His Father. Hopefully you get my point. One would have to try really hard not to find an opportunity to thank someone in a typical day.
What might be on a person’s mind who doesn’t take advantage of an opportunity to thank someone during a typical day? Would that person be angry? Completely self-absorbed? Clinically depressed? Maybe something else is on their mind? The people who are generally thankful need to be sensitive to these situations. Kindness and perhaps a touch of grace might help these people overcome whatever keeps them from being thankful. We all should be aware of the danger of being judgmental.
It may take a little more effort or imagination to inspire someone, but it becomes easier with practice. How might we inspire people? Especially for young people, self-belief usually starts when someone else believes in you first. Before we think we can do something we’ve never done, it is inspiring to know that someone we respect and admire thinks we CAN do it first. That usually is the job of a parent, but also of a coach or teacher. It can also be a friend or family member. And inspiration doesn’t end in a person’s youth. There are opportunities to be inspired throughout life. I learned to pole vault at age 53, and thankfully received plenty of inspiration from guys even older than me, who were outstanding vaulters. True inspiration usually requires action. Inspirers lead, they demonstrate, they confront challenges and do not shy away from potential failures.
Being an effective inspirer requires a degree of selflessness. Selfish people are rarely inspirational. More often they are hypercritical, jealous, and discouraging.
Inspiring others never diminishes the inspirer. Conversely, it shows strength of character.
Being an effective encourager requires a bit more discipline and consistency. Inspirers become encouragers when they stay involved and check back in to see how people are doing. While it is natural for a person to be both inspirational and encouraging, it isn’t always the case. Inspirers sometimes get caught up in dreams of greatness. Encouragers usually focus more on incremental improvement, even baby steps toward a desired outcome. Neither is more important. In fact both are essential to human flourishing, and they are most impactful when used together.
So, who might you encourage today? You might consider asking the following questions of anyone you interact with – What is the most significant thing you are trying to accomplish today? Or is there anything you are working on that you are struggling to accomplish? You will probably have to make a habit of asking that every so often to condition other people to be prepared to respond. It might seem awkward at first, but if you provide meaningful encouragement people will welcome the questions and conversations. This is the discipline and consistency part that makes encouraging effective. Remember, no person has ever said, “Gee, I’m getting too much encouragement.”
Finally, serving others can be the most rewarding aspect of a TIES mindset, but only if service is appreciated. Too often service is expected, it even can create an entitlement attitude, and too often goes unappreciated. Therefore, service and thankfulness have to go together for the former to be commonplace.
It might be better to think of developing a TIES discipline more than a TIES mindset. If we start each day with that simple thought in mind, it can be truly transformational for ourselves and for others. Give it a try!
Please help me grow my readership by forwarding this to a friend(s). In the meantime, stay tuned for my next newsletter. Thanks
Michael Kayes
*These views are my personal opinions and are not the viewpoints of any company or organization.