93rd Edition
Lesson 11 – Be bold and have a religious agenda
Coaching kids has always been a spirit-filled experience for me. One time a parent went to the headmaster of the charter public school at which I was coaching basketball and he complained, stating accusingly – “The coach has a religious agenda.”
Called before the headmaster I said, “Yes I do. I want each kid to know that God loves them.”
She said, “Keep doing what you’re doing.”
Interesting response. What are we doing when we coach kids? It completely depends on the coach’s agenda. Is the coach trying to win games at any cost, to boost his own ego? That happens a lot, unfortunately. Is he coaching primarily to live through his own kid, even to fulfill a personal dream he fell short of achieving? That happens a lot, too.
Fortunately lots of coaches coach for the right reasons. What are those reasons, specifically?
There are four right reasons to coach youth:
1. To build character
2. To show God’s love through the power of the Holy Spirit
3. To challenge them to become the best they are capable of becoming
4. To build a strong enough relationship that will endure beyond the season and hopefully for the rest of their lives – Once a coach, always a coach.
Every school or youth sports organization should ask each candidate applying for a coaching position this pivotal question – Why do you want to coach? If the candidate doesn’t answer – to build character then he shouldn’t be hired. But the questioning should not stop there. The candidate should be able to articulate how he is going to develop character, as it is a concept virtually everyone supports, but very few understand how it is accomplished. Virtually everyone talks the talk, but far fewer walk the walk. Why?
Because ego and pridefulness often get in the way and most coaches tend to have a high level of both. It takes tremendous self-control, for example, not to yell at the referee after a questionable call late in a closely contested game. It takes even more self-control and humility to be genuinely happy for the other team when you lose a close game. Demonstrating true character and love for others before self is never easy, but they are at the heart of character development. If the coach can’t model these challenging behaviors in the heat of battle, how are the players going to learn to do the same? It just won’t happen.
Lesson 12 – Expect more, get more
I was coaching a JV team at a Christian School, and it was a game mid-way into the season. Down one, 14 seconds on the clock, we had the ball. I called time out, something I seldom did (see Lesson 13). All the players circled up expecting me to reveal the game-winning play. I looked at Kyle, our point guard, our best player, who just happened to be our youngest player by two grades. He wasn’t quite ready to be the leader I knew he was capable of being. Some of the older players weren’t ready to acknowledge his superior ability. I took a chance that Kyle was ready to step up.
“Kyle, you are our best player, get the ball, attack the basket, and score.” Which is exactly what he did, scoring the winning basket with only a few seconds left on the clock. From that point forward Kyle was the definitive leader of our team. When a player trusts his coach, and only when he does, can you hand him a role or challenge in the heat of the moment, that he hasn’t faced and overcome before. It’s a gamble on the coach’s part, because failure can be devastating for the player, but if the player succeeds his self-confidence will soar. The coach has to know his players and trust his instincts, and shouldn’t make this decision out of a sense of panic or desperation. A coach must always remember that losing can be more beneficial to character development than winning. Don’t make a decision that sacrifices character development in hopes of pulling out a last second victory, you might not deserve.
Why can losing be more valuable than winning in terms of character development? Put in proper perspective, losing teaches humility, an essential component of character development. Moreover, losing can remind players that more work needs to be done. It can lead to self-assessment about their level of effort, their commitment to working harder in practices. It can also open dialogue as to roles and teamwork and mental mistakes made during the defeat. Players need to own their mistakes, attitude, and effort. All a big part of character development.
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Michael Kayes
*These views are my personal opinions and are not the viewpoints of any company or organization.