61st Edition
There were two interesting front-page articles in one of the daily blogs I receive. The first was – “Man Sets Himself on Fire Outside Trump Trial Courthouse.” The Second was – “What this protein may do to osteoarthritis in seniors.” I deleted the blog without reading either article. Then I thought, maybe the guy from the first article wasn’t aware of the good news in the second article… Despite the daily weirdness and extremism, producing ever-expanding polarization, we remain connected with other people, even when we feel completely disconnected. Let me try to explain…
I’ve had a few people share a rather unsettling thought with me recently. As they begin each day they wonder… Who is going to disappoint me today? Stuck in that mindset, it would be very natural, prudent even, to withdraw from relationships, to become insular and isolated. But we just aren’t made to do that. We were made to live in community, even with people who don’t live up to our expectations, who tend to be disagreeable, or worse. Essentially, we are all stuck with each other. So, what can we do to lower the vitriol, to make communities more joyful and harmonious, and to prevent anyone from thinking that setting themselves on fire is a good idea?
A few ideas… Everyone should commit to calling at least one person each week that they haven’t talked to over the last month. Text or email is permissible, but not encouraged. Face-to-face meetings would be best. Spend time at least once a week in meaningful fellowship with someone outside your regular daily routine. Send a card or a note to someone not on their birthday, but just to offer a kind word of encouragement. Bake cookies and bring them to a neighbor (If you need my address, let me know). Make plans and promises and then keep them, even if it is inconvenient. Concentrate on the common interests and not the opposing views within a relationship. Initiate and reciprocate. Forgive and forget. Offer grace as best you can.
What do you think of that list? Some are easy to do, just takes a bit of self-discipline until it becomes a habit. Other things aren’t so easy. The hard things deepen relationships, so they are worth trying to do.
I fear we have reached the point where technology has become detrimental to building relationships and promoting basic civility. Multiple times a week on my way to the grocery store, I pass someone, and say “hello” or “how are you doing,” and I receive no reply, just silence. Then I realize they had earbuds in and didn’t hear a word I said. Leave the earbuds at home when you go the grocery store. Talk to people, smile at the employee who is helping you through the self-check-out line. Flirt with the elderly lady who makes the sourdough bread (which is what I do). Getting comfortable making small connections will help us make deeper more meaningful connections. Civility is habit forming and it inspires similar behavior in others.
Our addiction to social media and smart phones needs to be challenged. One person, one family at a time and we can gradually unplug from this civility-killing drag on community and true fellowship.
The future of our nation depends on the values and commitments of the people. Any positive change has to come from within each of us, it cannot be compulsive, nor shoved upon the populous by political elites. Goodness, civility, or basic morality cannot be legislated or created in a sustainable way by any branch or agency of the federal government. If we the people lead in these important areas the government bureaucracy will follow. Once we realize it simply will not happen in reverse, we have a fighting chance for positive change. Perhaps we can discuss all this when we greet each other during out next trip to the grocery store…
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Michael Kayes
*These views are my personal opinions and are not the viewpoints of any company or organization.