49th Edition
We are expecting our first grandchild sometime in late May, and that exciting and long-anticipated event has caused me to rethink a few things. Several of my friends who are already grandparents have given me lots of advice, starting with picking out my appropriate name. Gramps, Papa, Paw Paw, and a host of other warm and fuzzy, bear-hug-sounding names. I get it, but I’m not sure any of those fit my, uh, personality. I’m thinking I would like my grandchildren to call me, “Sir.” Somewhat like a modern-day Captain Von Trapp. In my mind, it sets up the proper relationship. Grandchildren have so much to learn from grandparents, but only if they are taught to understand how valuable it is to listen and learn from these wise family members who might not be around for much of their life. In my limited experience, during multi-generational family gatherings the grandparents are rarely the focal point, more often quietly observing. Babies are fun to hold and watch as they explore their new world. They learn quickly from experience and hopefully from attentive and loving parents. I get it. Still, there is a wealth of wisdom and a unique perspective that grandparents tend to share only if asked. One of the few regrets I have in life is that I didn’t talk to my grandparents enough.
Another thing I am rethinking is saving for my grandchild’s education. Seems like an obvious thing to do as a grandparent if one is financially able. But now, given the exorbitant cost and politicization of higher education, I’m not so sure. Instead, I think I’ll help them start a business. Perhaps dog sitting or baby sitting when they are around 10 years old, then other age-appropriate businesses in later years. I’ll help them learn the importance of being on time, of honoring their commitments, and treating each customer with the utmost care. Seems like a no brainer to me…
But then, when they reach college age I won’t hand them a bundle of money to go to college. I’ll suggest they become a waiter or waitress, and then when they reach legal age, I’ll recommend they become a bartender for at least two years. In the long run, what they learn tending bar will be invaluable, as that experience was for me in my life. It will teach them the importance of making eye contact, and to read body language perceptively. They will learn to listen intently and bond quickly with people they have just met. If they are lucky enough to tend bar in a place with a pool table, they will learn the crucial difference between the sound of a pool cue falling over by mistake, and the sound it makes when it is thrown to the floor deliberately, moments before a fight erupts. Reading your environment quickly and accurately can prevent all kinds of problems.
When my grandkids reach about 25, and they need technical knowledge, or some required degree then perhaps I’ll encourage them go to college. But maybe with the invaluable knowledge gained through operating their own small businesses and tending bar at the local pub, they won’t be interested in paying $80k (or who knows what two decades from today) for one year of indoctrination. No doubt it will be their decision, but if they ask, I’ll share whatever wisdom I have (and can still remember).
A third area of thought related to spending quality time with my grandkids is what to do with all the devices – iPhones, iPads, TV, video game players, etc. My thought is to unplug all of them. When inside we will read books. And talk. When outside we will kick and catch and run and jump. What a simple plan. Doesn’t it sound wonderful?
OK, as many friends have warned me, once I lay eyes on the newest edition to the family, my heart will melt and all my idealistic, old-school ideas will be forgotten. Maybe, maybe not. Life is certainly a blessing at any age. I should just concentrate on that and let God take care of everything else. Call that wisdom from an expectant grandfather, who probably will never be called Sir.
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Michael Kayes
*These views are my personal opinions and are not the viewpoints of any company or organization.